Tag Archives: marriage

Glo Column: The Things that Start with “V”

Viagra     Let’s face it; if you live in a house full of males the way I do, there are certain conversations that, no matter how delicately you approach them, are going to be…difficult. Over the years I have had to explain how babies are made, why the bed sheets are moist (even though no one wet the bed) and why it’s important to lock the bathroom door when you need a little “private time.” However, nothing compares to the day you have to tell your better half he may want to talk to his doctor about a certain little blue pill.

Without going into the highly personal events that led up to this discussion, let’s just say the time had come to have “The Talk.” Believe me, I didn’t want to. After all, we are still in the newlywed phase of this marriage. I only got my wedding dress back from the cleaners a month ago and it seemed awfully early to be having these kinds of problems but let’s face it: the man isn’t getting any younger. His over-the-road schedule is taxing and it’s only natural that it affects every other aspect of his life.

I tried to be subtle at first. I quoted a statistic I heard on a commercial which suggested 40 percent of males over the age of 40 have this kind of issue and it’s not as rare as one might think.

“Did you know it was that common?” I asked.

“Nope,” Mr. Oblivious replied, fixing himself a bologna and cheese sandwich.

After dropping a few more hints he refused to pick up on, I was deflated and in a moment of desperation, I made a spur-of-the-moment, ill-conceived decision that caused my cycle to go out of whack and left me in a state of panic for a week and a half. Once the scare passed, I informed him that I would never be so reckless again, not even to boost his fledgling “ego.”

“Look, I understand this is uncomfortable for you and I sympathize with that, but these changes are a natural part of life. Luckily, the whole thing can be solved medically and it’s really not a big deal, but you have to book the appointment and find out what a doctor can do for you,” I insisted.

“Fine,” he sighed limply, resigned to his fate. “I’ll schedule an appointment tomorrow.”

He did…and scheduled a vasectomy.

Folks, I could not make this up if I tried. The man scheduled a vasectomy! While I admit my solution also began with the letter “V” I assure you a vasectomy was not what I had in mind. When he told me the news, I blinked the way Boy Wonder does whenever I’ve thrown too much information at him. “Um…exactly why are you getting a vasectomy?” I inquired.

“You told me to,” he said.

Oh no I didn’t. I assure you that at no point in this discussion did I ever lobby for a vasectomy. First of all, why would I do that when I am in perimenopause? And secondly, how sick would I have to be to suggest the secret to extending his endurance begins with a sharp object?

For the life of me, I could not figure out how he had arrived at this conclusion. I mean, was he not present for the false starts and stops over the past few months? What did he think the problem was and more importantly, why did he think a vasectomy would solve it?

I replayed my words in my head and realized that although I never campaigned for the procedure, I never really said what I wanted. I danced around the subject with innuendo, but I was never blunt. I remedied that situation with a few choice statements that I won’t repeat them here. Trust me; I got my point across.

I doubt it will be the last time we have a communication breakdown, but hopefully the next misunderstanding does not come down to two words whose only similarity is a starting letter and are the difference between taking gold in the freestyle or merely being dead in the water.

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Happy Monday! Happy Memorial Day!

Hello Everyone!!!

It seems like forever since I have blogged, and in a way…I guess it has been! For all of you who thought I might have been dead the past few months, I assure you, my life has been crazier than usual, and that is saying something.

So, what have I been up to? Well, when last I left you, I was neck deep in my latest writing project, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Catholicism. After a few intense months of reading more of the Catechism than I EVER intended to and researching more patron saints than I ever knew existed, I am almost finished with the manuscript which will be available in January 2015. I am pleased to say that I did NOT end up being an atheist after all of this, and in fact, I have new found respect for some of the rules that prior to this writing, didn’t always make a lot of sense. I’m not saying that I think the Church is right about everything, but I definitely understand the logic they used to come up with some of these things. (And in a few subject matters, I have determined that the Church is a lot more inclusive than I gave them credit for.)

One of the fun things about writing something like this is being able to explain things in “real words” knowing that a priest has looked over it and agreed with my assessment of the subject. When I had to tackle one of the hot bed issues facing the Church, I flat out said that the language used in the Catechism does not read well and only serves to confuse the situation. One chapter is dedicated to asking a priest a bunch of burning questions and I have to say that his answers were very thoughtful, insightful and not full of the “party line.” I really worked hard on this book and I truly hope everyone likes it when it is published!

I also spent the last few months planning two weddings. For everyone who was shocked by the surprise announcement that I was getting married, rest assured…it was not a spur-of-the-moment decision. It was decided at the end of last year, but I am one of those weirdos who refuses to put every aspect of her life on Facebook. I often tell people that I “talk a lot, but I rarely say anything important.”

Wedding1    Opting out of a big “event,” we decided to get married in Disney World (partly because the scenery is fantastic) and to wrap both the ceremony and honeymoon into one occasion. This was thwarted when I learned that the Catholic Church doesn’t really “do” weddings in theme parks. No problem. We decided to get married “officially” here in Indiana and then do a small vow renewal in WDW a few weeks later. I didn’t think the Indiana wedding was going to be a big deal until my priest offered to marry us on EASTER SUNDAY. Now, I know that Easter travels around the calendar like Thanksgiving, but I am no fool…if you have the chance to get married on the biggest day of the Church Calendar, you take it!

photo-2    So I was all excited about the upcoming nuptials and the book I was working on, when FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FAME was released. Talk about adding fuel to the inferno of my life! LOL I had waited so long for this novel to be published and I could not wait to share the story of MonAmi with all of my readers. Everyone who has read it has been very pleased with it and has said nothing but good things. Thank you all for being so supportive. As I started the FMOF publicity campaign, Terri Stacey at WIBC asked me for an interview and when we were finished taping it, she mentioned that it would run on Easter Sunday. I had to laugh and then told her what I would be doing on Easter…she was sooooo excited that she asked me if she could announce my wedding on the radio! Could this get any better? I was so glad that I had kept it kind of quiet up to that point and would have the thrill of hearing it on air before walking down the aisle! Even my youngest son thought it was quite the coup:

 Vincent: So let me get this straight, you are getting married on Easter. The wedding is being announced on the

          radio on a show featuring an interview with you while promoting your book? 

         Julie: That is correct. 

         Vincent: Well now, that’s just a banner day for you isn’t it? 

Wedding 2    It was a small but beautiful ceremony attended by some of our closest friends and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. I didn’t have to worry about centerpieces, a band, table cloths or renting a reception hall. We bought a small cake, invited everyone back to the house for some food and sat around my dining room table chatting. I didn’t feel like I didn’t “see” somebody or feel so stressed out that I couldn’t enjoy the day. As much as I love the pomp and circumstance of a big wedding…I’m telling you, there is something to be said for a small affair!

wedding 3    After Easter, the countdown was on for Disney. Again, their wedding coordinators made the choices simple so that I merely had to show up, go where they told me to go and do what they told me to do. Our biggest splurge on both events was the castle photo shoot. I’m telling you…its definitely worth the price to take over Cinderella’s palace before the park opened. (even better, it didn’t rain!)

So, now that the weddings are over, the book is almost completed and FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FAME has been launched, I am looking forward to the future. This summer, I will be appearing to promote my little rock star at a variety of venues, I will be covering stories once again for local magazines, playing lots of tennis and hopefully gearing up for my next big project which is TBA for the time being. (I know you understand)

Rest assured, I will have some upcoming Buy It, Borrow it or Bag It’s coming up in the near future, and we will see the return of fabulous fridays. Just know I am still among the land of the living and I thank each and every one of you for your support!

Keep Rockin’


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