MHH Column September: The Cosmic Conspiracy

hitachi-tv-keeps-turning-off     They say that the only certainties in life are death and taxes, but I disagree. Everyone knows that the phone will ring the minute you step into a hot tub, smoke alarm batteries always go bad at 3 a.m. and no matter what issue your appliance, car or TV has been having for a month, it will stop 10 minutes before the technician arrives to fix it.

I suspect it is some kind of cosmic conspiracy or penance for sins I committed in a past life, but I digress. Last year, I purchased a Smart TV. Now, I have seen enough sci-fi movies to know that it is a HUGE mistake to buy a household item that comes with its own IQ, but when my mother’s old set went on the fritz, I decided an upgrade was in order. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

For the first time in my life I was on the cutting edge of technology and initially everything was fine until one day, I aimed the futuristic looking remote at the set, pushed the button and…nothing happened. The TV blinked a few times and completely ignored me. I might as well have been talking to my children.

I called the company who made this particular model and they sent someone out to fix it. Naturally, the TV started up like a champ for him and he didn’t seem a bit surprised by my set’s change in attitude. A few minutes later, he determined that the set’s motherboard wasn’t acting up to par accounting for the problem and he switched it out for a new one. (It’s always the parents to blame isn’t it?)

Now only months later, the set has gone on strike again. I made the fatal error of trying to watch Rise of the Planet of the Apes courtesy of my iPad and Apple TV device when the component decided it had enough of my tomfoolery. It turned itself off and flatly refused to come back on. I unplugged the power cord and waited 10 seconds (Why is this the go-to solution, by the way), I changed the batteries on the remote and I even tried asking politely…yeah, not so much.

The company sent out the little fix-it guy again and sure enough, when he tried to turn it on, it came up without a hitch. (Of course it did!) He did spot yet another anomaly in the set and told me that it will take two weeks to get the part. In the meantime the TV is taunting me by working sporadically and turning itself on and off during coverage of the US Open. I am convinced that this thing is either bipolar, I am on Candid Camera or my house is haunted. I’m not sure which.

As if that weren’t enough, just last night I heard one of the smoke detectors start that infernal beeping and for the life of me, I can’t figure out which one has the dead battery. Maybe I should go take a bath and call it a day.






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