Not that I am being pursued by the networks or anything, but I’ve been thinking about this and I have come to the conclusion that I can never go on a reality-based competition show. I spent half of my summer following the antics inside the Big Brother house (hours out of my life I can NEVER get back, by the way) and with each passing week, I found myself adding to my list of reasons as to why I would not make a good contestant.
1. I’m not much of a competitor. This piece of news may come as a big shock to some, particularly my sons who I take pride in beating at every game we play, but I’m really not into to cut throat, do-or-die battles. There’s too much pressure and if I’m competing for basic necessities such as a bed to sleep in, food to eat and hot water to wash in…I’ll pass.
2. I’m too picky, especially when it comes to food. In every reality competition I have ever seen, it always seems that contestants are expected to eat some kind of weird concoction of food. Yeah…not so much. I remember when the penalty food on Big Brother used to be Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches, which didn’t sound too bad to me, but when they moved to the “slop” I knew this girl would not be auditioning for that show any time soon. If I ever had to eat a bug, ice cream and relish mixed together or any other gastronomical equivalent to Chernobyl, it’s not worth it.
3. I may not be a “people person” after all. I enjoy meeting new people as much as the next person and I really applaud folks who are willing to live with a bunch of strangers in the bush, on an island, race around the world with them, etc…but I can’t see myself being flexible enough to adapt my living habits to suit several personality types all living in a unique setting and do what I would have to do in order to get along with the group. Ask anyone who knows me, I’m rather set in my ways, am not always pleasant to be around and have a tendency not to “play nice” with the other kids.
4. I lack the personality that these shows tend to attract. Seriously, where do they FIND these people? While some contestants admit that their behavior is all an “act” I can’t help thinking that for some of them, this is EXACTLY who they are and that’s just a bit disturbing to me. (For the record, I LOVED Evel Dick of BB8, but something tells me that sooner or later I would do something to tick him off and I have a feeling that his bad side is not the place I would want to be.)
5. It’s just not my thing. I am amazed by the amount of people who regularly audition for reality shows like it is a profession, but have no desire to put myself out there like that. If I want to get rich, I guess I will do it the old fashioned way, through hard work, discipline and setting attainable goals-not by backstabbing people and talking smack in hopes that the American public will find me irresistible and reward me for my tolerance.
I probably would be on a reality show if it was based on my family, though we hardly create enough drama to be interesting and we aren’t big on throwing each other under the bus. Still I doubt any network would find a show about three people who love and care about each other nearly as impressive as a bunch of lying, scheming people ready to kill for $1 million. There is always hope though that someone will realize that Vincent could carry a half hour situation comedy all by himself and make us an offer we can’t refuse, but until then I will remain happily on my own island with no one watching me.